Anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than the mind.
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He who dies with the most toys wins.
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Have patience. Everything is difficult before it is easy.
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If guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns.
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Pile up enough tomorrows and you'll end up with nothing but a bunch of empty yesterdays.
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A liberal is a socialist with a wife and two children.
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Your body is a temple, but how long can you live in the same house before you redecorate.
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Teamwork is essential -- it allows you to blame someone else.
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We'll be friends until we're old and senile, then we'll be new friends.
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Morning sex: proven to be more effective than coffee.
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Paradise is not a place, it's a state of mind.
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A river cuts through rock, not because of its power, but because of its persistence.
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INSOMNIA = 1:51 A.M. + ETERNITY + 1:52 A.M. + ETERNITY + 1:53 A.M. + ETERNITY
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Do not wait to strike till the iron is hot; but make it hot by striking.
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I'm a nervous flyer, and it doesn't make it any easier when I get to the airport and see the sign TERMINAL.
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You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
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All you need is love. And a tiara. And maybe a cookie.
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Never try to destroy someone else's life with a lie when yours can be destroyed with the truth.
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People say I'm condescending. That means I talk down to people.
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My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
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